I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
