On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
