I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
