yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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