How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
