im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
