Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
