Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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