come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
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You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
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I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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