Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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