Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
