Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
