she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
