Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just threw up on my dentist
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
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You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
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I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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