Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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