Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
