There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
