Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
