The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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