I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
