is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
