You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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