Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
