His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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