i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
that is very illegal...i love you.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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