Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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