I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize