my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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