How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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