just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
