We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
