she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
