Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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