Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
