I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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