he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
