When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
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Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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