the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
