Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
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Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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