Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
