i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
In other news, I just burned my penis
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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