He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
