new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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