Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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