He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
