I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
