If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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