i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
