is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
