is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
