you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
