If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
