I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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