so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
