how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
