you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
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At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
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I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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