Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
