so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
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