Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
So here I am, sexting at work.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
