Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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