look no pants
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
