Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Randomize
