Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
