i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
