Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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