his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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